LESLIE ELIZABETH

I volunteered to come early to help the planning committee set up the reunion room. No one is here yet. Soon this room will be filled with people I have not seen in 20 years. I thought I would be rich and married with children by this day. Instead, I am sitting here freshly “released” from my job (as they contractually put it), no desire to be married, and purposely dressed in a high-waisted Ntoma wrap skirt I bought from a street vendor in Ghana, Africa just to hide my belly that looks 5 months pregnant due to an adenomyosis diagnosis. I have no children, but it looks like I am about to have one. The skirt is covering it well.

As we place the centerpieces, set up the photo booth, and decide where the 360-degree camera goes, in my head, I practiced my response to the famous question, “What do you do now?” I refuse to say, “I just got ‘released’ from my job last month.” This is an opportunity to say who I truly am. “I’m a writer and content creator.” That has a better ring to it. They are starting to arrive.

The head coordinator whispers to me, “See her. She made the biggest donation to the reunion. She’s a lawyer.” The doctors and lawyers are showing up. The people that have their lives together are arriving. At least I just have to make it look like I have my life together for a couple of hours. Time to hand out prizes.

“Who is the one that came the farthest?”

“Spain!”

I know people who graduated with us that live down the street from the venue and did not come.

“Who came the earliest?”

A group of people yell, “LESLIE!”

Coming early earned me an Amazon gift card.

Conversations are happening so organically. I did not notice hours had gone by. The famous question is being asked repeatedly but it seems it is just to break the ice. No one really cares. We are genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

“My husband and I made this a date night. My sister is watching the kids and we are going back to a silent home. Do you have any kids, Leslie?”

“No.”

“Oh my gosh, you are so lucky. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t have had them. I love them but. Do not do it girl. Stay free.”

Noted.

“Leslie! Come over here. Take a shot with us.”

Out of this group, all have kids but I am not sure about one.

“I have not seen you in years. Girl you look the same.”

She really does. I asked her if she had kids.

“No way. I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago.”

“What? Why?”

“I had fibroids and I bled so much. I was anemic and would pass out. It was not good.”

The joy on her face as she was sharing her story was refreshing. She never wanted kids, reversed her anemia, and is truly happy. I was not expecting this tonight. I am not the only one with gynecologic issues and no desire for kids?

It is interesting to see the ones that were not religious in high school are now sold out for Christ. But there is always the one or two that are still as consistent as ever.

“I have my doctorate in Biblical studies now.”

It makes complete sense for him to have that degree. He has been preaching since Jr. high.

“I was a youth pastor but it was difficult being a black pastor in an all-white church. They were waiting for me to mess up. Even created stories and had meetings behind my back just to get rid of me. I left and now just focusing on taking care of my family with a great job.”

It was a matter of time before that was going to crumble. Glad he got out before something detrimental happened. Talking to him reminded me how I was the girl version of him in high school. I am surprised he did not try to convert me back or condemn me for ‘backsliding.’ No one is judging. We are living in the moment. 

“I recently got divorced. It is just me and my babies. It was a very hard relationship. Being married to that man was the hardest stage of my life. He was mentally and physically abusive. But this dating scene is crazy.”

I am more than qualified to give her advice in this area.

“100% crazy. Enjoy life and do not be in a rush to get into another relationship. You deserve to be happy and have a balanced nervous system.”

“Yes. I do deserve to be happy.”

“Lelsie! I’ve been following your journey. I want to go to Ghana and buy land too. I want to get out of this country. When will the systemic oppression end? It seems like it is nowhere in sight here.”

He sounds just like me before I started my Ghana journey. Six years later, I have learned so much. Especially relating to the nervous system. He wants out. He wants relief and does not want to worry about racial tension and police brutality especially as a black man. He simply wants to lower his guard and believes Ghana will help him do that.

“Trust me. Sometimes our current situation seems so dire that other places look better because of it. Other places are different, not necessarily better.”

“Yeah. After watching your videos. I am having doubts.”

Belonging is both political and physiological. A passport can move the body, but it does not automatically settle the nervous system.

“You should definitely visit first.”

“Yep. I will be going to Tanzania in a couple months.”

“Oh yeah? That has been my favorite African country to visit so far.”

“I’m excited about the safari.”

“You will see all the Lion King characters. That was my goal when I went. It was breathtaking. You are going to love it!”

After hours of conversing about divorces, layoffs, death in families, overcoming alcoholism, becoming a first-time parent later in life, hormone imbalances causing growths, career changes, and etc.; walking to my car, I feel lighter. As if a weight has been lifted.

There was no need to anxiously rehearse my answer to the famous question. Being in between jobs is just another day. Being in alignment is the real win. Honestly, I think I am closer to being in alignment since unemployment.

Taking time to meditate and going within myself to find my next steps is more doable than ever. A dreadful eight hours a day and 40 hours per week opened up for me to do so. Regarding my enlarged uterus, life after 35 for women statistically is when our hormones become imbalanced due to perimenopause.

All of us ladies go through it. I just got to get my hormones in order and if that means surgery. So be it. Being among my peers changed my understanding of aging and upcoming life transitions. I am not the only one. Cheers to the class of 2006; it seems like we all are still trying to figure this shit out.